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There are no words

From the time I first started posting, I have probably spent hours planning the mega post that this would be. Instead, I realise two things:

1)

Allowing for picture quality - Ansel Adams, I ain't - does the second line seem a little faint? Does it count, do you think? This was taken at four minutes but I guarantee it's no different to when the timer went off - which is salient to the next point.

and 2) There are no words to describe how we're feeling right now.  We tested yesterday and there was no line - not a speck. And then I don't know why, maybe because my bust was just so damn sore at this point, but we ended up testing again this morning. Thank Goddess I didn't join A in having a glass of wine with dinner last night! It's so exciting to see the result box filled with something and yet, we're not sure if we can trust it. What if it's a dud? How can it go from nothing to this? There is one thing that gives us hope that this is the real deal though - yesterday, I was half asleep but A assures me I got up to pee at 3.  What we tested with two hours later wasn't the first of the day, so maybe it's just really early. We'll be retesting tomorrow with a branded test stick. Until then, we were just too excited not to post this.

Everything crossed! And if we were lucky this month, hoping that our luck makes it to everyone else on this babymaking rollercoaster - you guys are awesome!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I know the title's a little cliché and perhaps sounding a tad dramatic for a first attempt but I swear it was the first song played when I booted up this morning and it felt appropriate.

We were both awake when A's alarm went off at 5:30 this morning. It took a while for the warning chime to break through my mind's comfortable sleepy haze and for a minute I forgot what day it was. Then I remembered the test stick laid out in the bathroom ready and I snuggled further under the covers, trying to hold on to 'maybe' a little longer. To give her credit, A didn't say a word about it. She just gave me a morning hug and then got up to get ready for work. No pressure then.

After a while, I dragged myself out of bed and padded out to the bathroom.

Negative. That word sounds so cold; detached.  And even as we looked at it, there was a part of my mind that was insisting that this wasn't right, that this wasn't the result we were supposed to get.  I've had almost three hours to process it and it still hasn't sunk in. I don't think I'm going to be able to let go of this cycle until I see that final damning evidence.

My morning Facebook skim resulted in a cousins pregnancy announcement, a Disney pick that a friend has posted of Dumbo's mother and bundle with the caption 'happiness can arrive at any moment,' and a pick of pregnant sea-horses posted by non-profit org 'Have a gay day.'

Day 29 and counting.