Here Comes the Sun

It's getting late and I'm sitting relaxed in the 'study' with a cup of tea, having put aside the sheet of irregular verbs I've been working on.  The flat is quiet - presumably the lodgers have gone out to eat - and I'm enjoying the moment of calm before A comes home from class, when bags will need unpacking, a fresh pot will need putting on and something will have to be done about dinner.

I've lost count of what cycle day I'm on, I believe it's thirty-five or somesuch, and since we started actively trying, this is the closest to relaxed and contented I have been.  I know that may change if this journey continues for a more prolonged period but right now, this home is balanced and happy.  This is the happy thought (rainbow) I'd like to give thanks for tonight and I'd like to send some positivity from this to everyone who needs it.

We've decided to put off testing until the weekend, when A doesn't have to get up at silly-o'clock and I can wait until a reasonable 6/7am to test with her there.  It makes sense to wait the extra couple days, since I tend to start bleeding two or three days after a negative result anyway; and in the last couple of days, I've been experiencing the dairy cravings and bloat that usually presages my period.  Whether the extent of my cravings - driving me out of the house right before dinner because the world will end if I don't have cheesecake - is reasonably explained by my being pre-menstrual, we shall have to wait and see.

Spring has sprung

Moving into Spring this week and life has taken on a strangely comfortable flow.  I'm susceptible to weather-triggered mood swings and with the mad-March weather, we were prepared for the usual irritability.  These last couple weeks however, I don't know if it's to do with the changing work situation or just the change in season but we've started feeling more like we've been coasting along, calm and contented.

During the last week, the wheel of the year has turned to spring and Oestara, the spring equinox, marked the change in season.  Among many other things, Oestara is a celebration of fertility, and I especially felt the need to connect with Goddess at this time.

A and I don't practice the same faith, though we take an interest in each other's beliefs, so I celebrated Oestara alone.  I walked the longer route into town, following the quiet cycle path that is bordered by trees and other plant life and just generally enjoying the evidence of Spring.  Eventually, the path lead into a wide grassy park where children like to play.  Oestara is a celebration of new life and childhood and those who celebrate the Goddess may choose to focus on her maiden aspect at this time. There was a time when I would celebrate this season in unabashed childishness - skipping, running, singing childhood songs - but instead, I chose to just sit and listen to the young children in the park and reflect on happy childhood memories and the memories A and I hope to create with our child/ren.

As I often do, I integrated my Oestara meditation and personal celebration ritual with baking cupcakes this year.  Baking always puts me in mind of happy times in my childhood and I love how well it expresses the creative energies of the new season.  I made some of them into butterfly cakes (just a couple though, diet and all...) and outlined little ducks and bunnies in green and yellow icing on a few others.  It made such a happy sight and our home smelled wonderful by the time A came home from work.

In other news, this try has been relatively symptom free; and with a testing date of Tuesday and no sign of the monthlies, this could really be the magic cycle.

A Single Step

As expected, the cramps I was experiencing before my interviews did presage the end of that attempt; but we picked ourselves up and kept running because we had a number of projects in progress that have been doing an excellent job of keeping us distracted.

The interviews went well and we both secured offers conditional on background checks, references, etc. It would mean stepping down from a position of responsibility for me and a cut in my hourly rate (although since I am only contracted for the weekend, with the applicable increases I will have a satisfactory wage even before overtime.) A has accepted an offer to stay working in her ward after she negotiated hours better suited to her study (and more conductive to a social life.)  This puts us in a very strong position from this summer, when I will have completed my period of training.  In the mean time, between visits from the new op's manager and promotion changes, there is enough going on at work to keep me busy.

And as to this months attempt: we started a little later than expected.  My cm and basal temperature were not showing the slightest indication of anything resembling interesting and we were beginning to think this month wasn't going to happen. On day 19 (Monday), I noticed some wet cm whilst I was at work and figured we should at least get in a try this month - if we want to fit in as many tries as mother nature will give us a shot at before our step-up deadline of August (the anniversary of our first attempt.) After a quick call to A, we arranged an insem for the next day, which R and I conveniently both had off.

Day 20; and low and behold, fertile cm, agreeable temps and R at our door - the planets must have aligned yesterday, because everything went according to plan.  I'm inclined to believe Goddess arranged the situation for us after we were starting to get frustrated with the delay between ewcm and insem, and how often we were having to do these things on days when either R or I (or both of us) had to work.  As it is, we're looking at another magic cycle and we're channeling every available resource into directing positive energy in the right direction. I'm using a rose quartz bracelet as a fertility totem for this cycle and We've asked a friend whose circle specialises in fertility spells to help.  There are baby pictures and magazines dotted all around the flat to emphasize our objective (including one in the snack draw as a deterrent for me, lolz) and we're trying to keep to fresh, in season foods to draw health and vitality into ourselves.

Try number 6 - the second magic cycle - is here.

The end of this run

The interview went well. There were the scenario questions they usually ask for team leader positions, some elaboration on my relevant experience and a little more about the position. I think I did well.  We'll just have to see how things go.

This evening, A and I are settling down to fajitas and a movie as our reward for getting through this week.   Spotting sighted. Looks like this isn't our month. Counting our rainbows though, I can drink at our anniversary dinner next weekend and no early pregnancy symptoms to deal with during next weeks interview.

Over that hill is a brighter tomorrow - you just have to get there!

We had planned to begin testing on Thursday but with cramps setting in on Wednesday that felt like I'd been kicked in the kidneys and several interviews looming, we pushed it to the weekend (if my cycle lasts that long)

I've been a little up and down the last couple of days.  The good stuff is because my request for a four day weekend has been approved, so A and I can celebrate her birthday and our anniversary in style.
The not so great is that at random moments, I've been feeling the build up of my old friend anxiety.  I'm assuming that moments of distraction are allowing me to subconsciously dwell on the interviews because none of my other triggers have been hit.  I'll be counting stock in the warehouse when all of a sudden I'll find myself short of breath and tight chested.  I feel much weaker than I used to be; just a week ago, hefting sacks of potatoes onto a trolley, getting a milk cage up the ramp or moving a cage of delivery was no trouble now I have to call for one of the boys to help me.  And I'm suddenly more sensitive to the cold.  I've found myself putting on a sweater, curled under a fleecy blanket and still needing the heating turned on.  This despite the fact that A, who finds it hard to adapt to the cold, is still comfortable in casual clothes.  Hopefully it passes soon; I've even had moments where I've felt sick with it.

Tuesday's lit & numeracy testing went well; it was a very basic test designed to ascertain that all prospective employees met the minimum requirements.  A had her test early in the day and then returned later for her interview but because my test was later in the day, I was asked to return for my interview next week.

Today we have literacy and numeracy testing for the other position we have applied for, which requires higher standards.  A's just left me a message to say hers went well and I'll be leaving for mine shortly.  I think I'm ready.  Wish me luck.

Begining the home stretch

A belated happy valentines to those who celebrate ♥

A and I kept it low key this year in the interests of saving money for our various projects.  We still made it a pleasant day, proving that it really doesn't matter how much you spend as long as there's love at the heart of it.  On the day, I cooked us one of her favourite meals for lunch, made some cupcakes and cleaned the flat.  I had just enough time to call R for a quick chat (because Valentines is about love of all kinds - even friendship) before A came home from work.  Turns out, she'd saved some coupons and put aside a few pennies to take me out to dinner at a nice little restaurant down our street.  So we had a great time of it.

Yesterday, one of my cousins announced the birth of their new baby son.  It was a bit of a surprise, as we hadn't known she was pregnant but the pictures they posted on FB are gorgeous and we're looking forward to meeting the little lad.

In other news, both A and I have appointments for the next stage of our job applications, having received e-mails notifying us that we have been short-listed.  A already works in the NHS, which is how we heard of the vacancies, and she already performs many similar duties, so we feel confident about her chances.  One of A's supervisors heard of her application and seemed pretty supportive - if a little disappointed that A would no longer be working on her ward.  I'm glad that A has one less thing to worry about, should she get the position she has applied for.  I still haven't a clue how I would tell my line manager.  Have to cross that bridge when I get to it, I suppose.

This far into our tww and we're amazed at how long we've gone without obsessively plugging every twinge/craving/emotional moment into Google.  I've had some aches and tenderness but we're choosing not to ascribe it to anything at the moment.  We'll be testing on Thursday, which is coincidentally also interview day.

Quick update

So it's been relatively calm this go-round. We insem'd on Thursday and again on Friday, no schedule clashes but we did cut it pretty fine on Thursday, when we both had the evening shift.  I had spotting and cramps on Friday, which felt an awful lot like an early period (two week cycles are not unheard-of for me) and R started getting a little overprotective at work. He basically told the guys I was working with that I was still weak from a bad cold (only half an untruth, as I had had a cold and was feeling pretty crappy) and he indicated that I should spend the evening with my feet up whilst they took care of the physical stuff like bringing in the delivery.  Being good lads, they all put their shoulders to the grindstone and kept me away from the heavy lifting, watching me like hawks for anything that needed doing and even topping up the tea on my desk each time one of them passed by.  Whilst I guiltily stayed away from the heavy lifting, I was touched by how dedicated my boys were and I'm proud of all of them.  I left a box of choccy on the desk for them all and made sure everyone had some.  Thankfully, there's been no further bleeding and I suspect it may have been caused by the mechanics of the insem - something we'll have to look into should there be need for further tries.

In other news, we're still waiting to hear back from the jobs we've applied for.  The closing date for applications was Thursday just gone, with prospective employees being contacted this week for basic numeracy and literacy tests.  After that, should we be successful we will need to apply for up-to-date CRB checks and then paid training, hopefully starting work in June.  The fixed schedules would be very good for A especially, now that she has classes four days a week and it would allow me time to pursue my Spanish academically.  I think just applying for these jobs is doing wonders for reducing my stress levels at work - like I can relax a little now that I'm taking steps to get out of there.

And on the land front, we're still waiting to hear confirmation from A's father that new ownership has been registered with the municipality.  Apparently, this can take up to several weeks.  In the mean-time, a security fence has been constructed around the perimeter of our new property.  Things are beginning to happen and it's providing us with plenty to keep ourselves occupied during this cycle's long wait.