Jingle Belle (Part 2) Due date + 4 - Yup, Still Pregnant!

After going through this post, I've realised that it really needs to be broken down further - such an eventful time of year :D This post is mainly about Christmas with the family and the next should hopefully bring us up to date.

Well, what a Christmas! We agreed this year that since A wanted to spend some time with her sister and I couldn't fly so close to term, we'd take our chances and have separate Christmases this year, with me travelling to spend time with my parents in Devon the day before A flew out to her sister's family in Ireland.  My mother was especially excited to have a family Christmas this year, with baby so close to due and this being my sister's last year at home before emigrating; she had gone all out on decorating rooms, shopping for everyone's favourite food and planning meals over the festive week.
It was like the magical Christmases of my childhood - right down to the little foot-and-a-half tree I found in my room, lit up and waiting for me.

I received the call from my consultant the day after I arrived and immediately, the holiday felt ruined.  Perhaps it was frustration at everything going down so close to my due date, perhaps it was the fact that it was happening whilst I was getting ready to enjoy a really special Christmas, perhaps it was just hormones; I cried for a solid hour after speaking with her - just contemplating having our baby girl arriving under such circumstances when everything had been going so well!  I dragged myself out of the funk I was in that day by holding onto one thought: at 38 weeks, baby was fully developed, presenting head down and I was far enough away to keep them waiting on a potential induction whilst I took matters into my own hands.  Long walks.  Bouncing.  Curries.  Here we go!  By Christmas, I was starting to feel more relaxed.  I had plenty of time before I was expected back for another blood draw and my plan was going to work.

Christmas day started in the usual calm and casual manner our family prefers: a summons to my youngest brother's room to open my stocking with him, a brief gathering at the tree for a couple presents each and then breakfast.  I've always had fond memories of gathering as a family for Christmas breakfast.  Everyone gets involved setting table with the seasonal cloth and mats whilst the parents are dishing up cooked breakfasts for those who want it, filling bowls of cereal and heating up the pastries.  Once my sister and I have finished ferrying things from kitchen to dining room and have coaxed the boys away from their current collective obsession (this year: rubix cubes) we sit to table and enjoy time together.  My appetite wasn't brilliant that morning but for baby's sake, I managed a couple pastries with some tea.

After that, it was on and off present opening during the day, a few at a time interspersed with eating, movies, walking the dog and (for me) napping.  Right now, I look back on this day and others like it from when I was small and two things stand out: Firstly, how much more fun you can have if you take your time on the day, instead of turning it into one big present opening frenzy before crashing for hours afterwards.  I plan to follow through with this kind of structure when baby gets old enough to really get into Christmas; from the little token present the night before Christmas to the not-a-surprise-any-more-but-we'll-pretend last present before bed, including all the traditions I used to enjoy as a girl such as the family breakfast and heading out for a brisk walk before settling down for the evening.
The other thing is how wonderful it feels to be a part of a larger family at Christmas.  There were seven of us gathered together on Christmas day (would have been eight, if A had been with us) and I know this was one of the things that made the day so special.  It only made me more excited to imagine family Christmases in the future: A and I sitting comfortably together with our morning tea, two, three or -dare I hope?- more children, excitedly tearing into their little stockings, the smell of warm pastries drifting in from the kitchen....

Boxing day is usually a low-key day for us, spent tidying up the small piles of gifts that have accumulated in everyone's preferred corners, putting together anything that needs assembly, reading, talking, checking emails and watching the lunchtime movie.  Sometimes extended family will stop by for an hour or so, to exchange gifts and catch up on family gossip.  On these occasions, mum will lay out a buffet style lunch of leftover meats, salads, cheese, crackers and dips - the usual affair.  The evening usually passes without much fanfare.  This year was different.  I felt different; tired but restless, hungry but not, wanting to be with people but developing a sudden aversion to the busy social hub that our living room had become.  I had started getting backache and my Braxton Hicks contractions were starting to feel a little stronger.

By dinner time the next day, I was getting less comfortable as time went on and my mother and sister insisted on taking me to get checked out at our local A&E unit - they in turn sending me to the labour ward for assessment.  That evening felt so surreal, sitting with a continuous monitor on baby and the regular beep of the blood pressure cuff taking a reading.  I admit, it was a little exciting to think that baby was so close to putting in an appearance (although a part of me already knew that, with the contractions being more uncomfortable than painful and not quite regular, it wasn't actually labour)  Once the midwife had discharged me and we had arrived home, mum was still watching me like a hawk.  My sister made a point of asking us to come wake her if anything happened during the night and mum recommended she keep clothes by the bed, ready.  I tried to remind them that prelabour (which I felt it was) could last for weeks and I was fairly sure nothing would happen that night but still - a part of me was picking up on their excitement.  One week before my due date and it looked like everything was about to kick off.

The "I'm-too-lazy-to-think-of-a-title" post (34 weeks)

Well, it's six weeks to my due date; and whilst I am technically using my holiday hours up between now and Christmas, to all intents and purposes maternity leave has begun.  A is currently in Ireland for her sister's wedding and I am sitting in an empty flat, surrounded by newborn clothes and terry squares (not even born yet and all this washing!)

This week has passed by in that strange fashion of being both too fast and too slow, that anyone who has been in the position of 'use-your-holiday-hours-or-lose-them,' will be familiar with.  Days are mostly filled up with daily walks into town to stay limber (with lattes at the end, as a reward - decaf, of course) coming home to laundry and emails, wandering about the house doing nothing in particular and then in bed by 9:30 (mainly because I wake at 2am most days and can't get back to sleep)

At the start of the week, I was staying with my brothers whilst mum was at a wedding (so many in November) and I finally told them about the baby.  I arrived late to the house on the Thursday night and mum called my brothers into the front room saying there was something I would like to tell them.  When I said I wasn't sure where to start, my stepfather suggested I start where I was and go from there.  "About eight months, then?" I tried; immediately J, the older of the two, looked up at me with the beginnings of a grin.  M, I had to spell it out for, since he wasn't able to make the connection.  Like a number of children on the Autistic spectrum, M sometimes has difficulty with big changes but he took this news quite well, asking questions and thinking of activities he could do with his new niece once she's born.  J was obviously trying to play the cool teenager *insert eye-roll* but was actually quite attentive to me all weekend: sitting in the front room with me when he would usually skulk in his room, fetching drinks and snacks for me at regular intervals.  Lol, I called M over to feel baby kicking one evening, since he'd expressed an interest, and even though he didn't look up from his x-box game, J subtly shifted closer, just waiting for an invitation to take his turn.

My sister was with us for the weekend too.  She actually surprised me with the amount of interest she showed, not really being a baby person herself.  I think she may have bought up an entire branch of Mothercare, the number of vests, socks, muslins, and tiny two-piece outfits she presented me with on arrival.  She's always said that pregnant bellies freak her out (lol) but she seemed to be okay with my tiny bump.  I think it may have made a difference that I always turned away from her when baby's movements were becoming more visible and that because I've always taken care to stay hydrated and keep my skin moisturised*, I still don't have stretch marks.

At last appointment with the midwife, baby and I are both doing well.  My blood pressure is back up into 'normal' range, baby's heart rate is perfect and the fundus height (basically a measurement of the uterus, taken from top of the uterus to the pubic bone) is just right.  I was asked the usual questions for this stage of pregnancy: daily movement (oooh, yes!) swelling (nope) have we started a birth plan? (first draft done and it's getting reviewed regularly) anything else I'd like to talk about?
...Well, yes.  I've recently started wondering if the large itchy rash that I've been struggling with for the past month (that is slowly driving me crazy) could possibly be polymorphic eruption (some people may still know it as PUPPS)  Apparently, the midwife was stumped by that one.  She looked it up and agreed that it did sound like polymorphic eruption of pregnancy, which typically presents in the third trimester of first pregnancies, but that she'd never seen it before.  She says that if it's bothering me, I should talk to my GP about it. I'll see if I can get an appointment on Monday.
The last point we covered was that baby had not turned head down yet.  At this stage, it's not a big issue but the midwife says that if baby hasn't turned by our next appointment at the start of December, we will need to book in for a presentation scan to see what she's up to.  (I happen to know, based on her daily movements, that the little madam is still turning cartwheels in there; so it can't be obstruction.  She just doesn't feel like it yet.)

*in case you are interested btw, I've been using Cussons Mum and Me Bump Stretch Mark Cream twice daily, since week 20 - around the time my bump started to show and my skin first started getting dry and itchy.

Update (31 weeks 2 days)

Well, I've been meaning to post for a while but between work and getting ready for baby, there hasn't been much energy left to do so.  This one's just a quick miscellaneous entry to catch up and I hope to begin posting a bit more reliably once I take annual leave in a couple weeks.

Baby and me: According to the books, baby weighs approximately 4lbs this week and is roughly the size of a pineapple. She's a very active little girl, her busiest periods being at breakfast, lunch, late evening and around 2/3 am.

Symptoms now I'm officially into third trimester include mainly tiredness and breathlessness as baby gets bigger and puts more strain on my body; and  I'm peeing a bit more often, though it doesn't really affect day to day life so much at this stage.  In the last couple weeks, I've been getting some form of acid reflux.  I'm hesitant to call it heartburn, since I only really feel it in my throat, it seems to be at it's worst if I've been for more than 3 hours without eating and it is aggravated by dairy (as I found out when trying to ease it with a milk and honey remedy)  At the moment I'm having some success in easing it with peppermint tea.

Parentcraft Class: Birth In October, we attended the first of our parentcraft classes; and in the two hour session on birth, we covered quite a lot of ground.  This session was an open class led by our midwife and we were apparently a larger audience than she was used to - about twenty of us in all, mostly couples.  The class covered early signs of labour, when to call the midwife/go to the hospital, the process of labour (with some rather amusing props) birthing positions and a discussion on common forms of pain relief.

We were a little disappointed that this was only a two hour session instead of the multi-week course they used to run, feeling we could have benefitted from separate sessions on the various topics covered (as always with the NHS, it came down to funding) but on the whole, we found it to be a positive experience.  We went at a pace that covered everything neatly within the session's allotted time with most questions getting answered or referred to an appropriate and accessible source.  We  liked that time was taken to explain the birthing partner's role and techniques they could use to help at different stages of labour.  It was especially comforting to hear the midwife offer honest accounts of her own labour and the experiences she had in supporting other women during theirs.

Bump Band:  As my belly finally started to expand (the waistline still oddly narrow in proportion) I took the time to hunt around in town for a support band that would bridge the widening gap between the waistband of my trousers and the hem of my shirt (because I'm far too hot most days to dig out the winter wardrobe)  What I hadn't counted on were two things:
1: There are no mother and baby shops in the city centre.  You have to drive (or in our case, take the bus) to a shopping mall miles out from the city centre to find so much as a Mothercare.  The alternatives for those of us who don't have all day to jump from pillar to post are either go online or hope they carry what you're after in Boots or the maternity corner of one of the department stores (yes, corner.  Apparently, it's not worth a full department any more)
2.  My size is apparently not big enough to be expected to need a support band.  Everywhere I looked, I could find nothing for the smaller bump.
It took three stores and five staff members to eventually find something in my size.

Stepping out with our baby (Bump!) - 26 weeks 2 days

Week 26, and our baby is now the size of a head of lettuce (or, since she's measuring small, maybe a large cauliflower) By the end of the week, we will be rounding into third (trimester, that is) and we will have entered into that magic phase where baby's chances of survival, should she be born prematurely, raise to a very acceptable 80 - 95% (depending on various factors)
As to me, I'm feeling a little more sluggish recently.  I've been sleeping in a little more, running around a little less during the day and often falling asleep in my chair towards the end of the evening.  This week, I have been experiencing hot flushes more often, which are certainly no fun when I'm stuck wearing a fleece to protect baby from the cold atmosphere of our store. And I've had frequent moments of light headedness during the day, despite my blood pressure raising to more comfortable levels. At this stage, I'm feeling very grateful that I have such a supportive partner and for the care and consideration of my colleagues.

Finally got in our consultant's appointment on the last day of week 25.  I went on my own for this one, since it was mainly to do with my health and less about the baby's.  We had a short discussion about the reasons I had been referred (namely my kidney and the family history of diabetes) and I had blood drawn to assess kidney function.  It will be another week before we know the lab results but when I mentioned that we were hoping to transfer to the birthing centre, she [the consultant] didn't say anything discouraging.  In fact, she was quite enthusiastic about the experience there, with only a minor mention of transfer times if medical intervention should become necessary and the fact that epidurals are not an option there.

Obviously, we can't say for sure what the birth experience will be like for us.  I know that it's possible to get some idea by looking at my mother's birth experiences (the ones that were delivered naturally, anyway) and on the whole, it looks promising if genetics are any indicator.  All my mothers pregnancies were strong and healthy (which is good, since my first seems to be mirroring hers) As far as girls are concerned, both I and my sister were significantly smaller than average (approximately the same as little Felix is estimated to be) and were delivered in under an hour on gas and air.  In ideal circumstances, I would most like to have a home birth (although A prefers the idea of having medical assistance close to hand)  The NHS is very discouraging of home births for first time mothers - and I can understand their point of view, I'm not completely without common sense - but still, I would feel much more comfortable with an experience as close to a home birth as we can get.  And that is why it means so much to us, me in particular, to get that transfer.  The birthing centre is a home from home.  They even have beds available for partners to stay over.  The transfer time is currently under 30 mins, if medical intervention were required - which we both consider acceptable - and as to epidural...I'm pretty squeamish still about epi, spinal block and the like.
On the birth plan we've started to draw up, we've decided to have an open mind on the subject of pain relief.  We've stated that we are willing to follow medical advice wherever necessary for the health of myself and the baby but that we would rather pain meds not extend to procedures which restrict my movement.  I've never liked being on my back and feel something close to anxiety if I'm in that position for more than a moment or two.  I also believe that this is certainly not the most effective position for birthing.  We are currently researching active birthing classes in our area.

Looks like the cat's out of the bag at work.

We'd not been planning to break the news at work for a couple more weeks to give us time to tell our nearest and dearest first (and my sister)

But when you work with food and you run out of a duty managers' meeting to throw up, you can either let the boss think you came to work sick or bite the bullet and tell him.  On the whole, it went down quite well. The boss seems supportive, so we'll have to see if that holds when I ask to start maternity leave just before Christmas (making three years on the go) We've been given an EDD of Jan 3 but I still have a gut feeling it will be late December and would rather be settled at home before the big day.

As for the family, we've already told both of my parents and their respective partners, my sister and a couple of A's siblings.  We're having to take it slowly with A's family. Whilst they accept in principal that she is gay and in a relationship with another woman, the culture in Peru is a bit more conservative than in the UK. LGBT families in Peru have a low profile and there is not much awareness/information available so it will take time for A's side to get their heads around the idea.  So far, we've only spoken with her sisters in Ireland and the U.S.A but as we get further along, we plan to Skype with other members of the family to share our news and answer any questions that may arise.  We trust it will all work out well in the end. Faith has gotten us this far, after all.

My parents took a week or two to get used to the idea - and I still don't think my father is going to pass beyond the vaguely positive stock phrases you use for a co-worker until after we have a gender confirmation - but my mother has built up steadily to grandparent overload.  She's already been out and bought 72 newborn size nappies and located every maternity/baby store in a ten mile radius.  It's kinda cool that I can now include info about my pregnancy symptoms in our daily text message exchanges and she will respond with sympathy, tips and memories from when she was carrying me (five babies, ranging almost twenty years and despite the early signs of dementia, she can still recall with absolute certainty that I was the only baby that didn't give her tomato cravings)

As for my sister, it was a little strained.  We haven't actually spoken since last April - or had anything civil to say to each other since the Christmas before that; but I sent a hesitant two line email anyway to let her know she was going to be an aunt.  She responded with the expected stock phrases and we left it at that. I've since been told that she and her husband won't be moving to Australia as they had planned this year, delaying until early January.  Looks like we will both be at mums house for Christmas.  Have to see how that goes.

Symptom-wise, we're not really sure what to expect from second trimester.  Around week 12, my morning sickness briefly increased (by week 13, I was vomiting more during each day than the first 12 weeks combined) This has thankfully passed and I'm now only tossing my cookies at offending odours (anything egg-y, spoiled meat and over ripe bananas) and when I try to eat too early. I've also started experiencing round ligament pains - which are a b*//h! (if you'll pardon my French.)  For those who haven't experienced this joy, allow me to explain.
As the uterus grows (by 15 weeks, it has usually grown from the size of an apple to slightly larger than a grapefruit) the ligaments that support it stretch and thicken causing discomfort (a word obviously chosen by male doctors)  I can't speak for everybody, but I experience it as a sharp pain running in a curving line from mid-abdomen to lower pelvis.  Most often, I've felt it when I cough but I also get it when I twist in bed looking for a better position. It's usually over quickly but I feel echoes of it, like a pulse, for a few minutes at a time.

This morning, A and I went for our 15 week appointment with W (midwife) It was nice that she remembered us (better than the blank looks we get from GPs who see us on a regular basis) Everything is progressing nicely and she's happy with my blood pressure, weight and everything else measurable.  We were thankfully able to confirm the abdominal pain I'd been experiencing as round ligament pain (because whilst we had a good idea of what it was, certain individuals telling me it was too early had made me a little nervous that it was something else)  When W asked if the consultant had been in touch, she seemed a little confused that we hadn't heard anything but not overly concerned.  She explained that a lot of them like to wait until after the screenings and first scans are out of the way (another way of saying they prefer to see if the pregnancy is fully established) but she was certain that she had written to him, as our note was longer than the two lines she usually puts in (she wants extra care taken with the kidney issues rife in our family)  W assures us that he should be in touch soon (get the feeling that may have something to do with the sudden scribbling on her to-do list)

Quick update (8 weeks)

Eight weeks and six days by the calendar we are currently following (it may change if we are able to have a dating scan around the twelfth week) and baby, who has now graduated to foetus, is approaching the size of a prune. We've had a letter through in the last couple of weeks to confirm our booking appointment on the 9th June with the community midwife at our local health centre.

Symptoms vary from day to day.  Some days I don't feel pregnant and others, I'm dragging myself out of bed (with ill humour - poor A) at noon, wondering if I can manage a round of toast.  I have only thrown up a few times but the nausea and dry retching that follow making myself eat something I don't fancy, just for the nutrients, isn't worth it.  This has eliminated eggs from my diet (and limited them in A's to when I'm not at home and she has time to wash the dishes and air the place out)  I think I read somewhere that baby's nutritional requirements at this stage are relatively small and that I should focus on choosing the best of what I can keep down and plan to make up for it once the nausea has worn off. To this end, my diet has consisted mainly of smooth porridge, lightly buttered toast, smooth soups and toasted cheese sandwiches with the occasional Peruvian dish when my stomach is feeling brave (the spices in our favourite Peruvian condiment, 'Tari,' hit the spot just right)

And a shelf in our home office corner has now been officially designated 'the pregnancy library.'  We only have a couple of books at the moment, since we don't want information overload. The ultimate guide to pregnancy for lesbians by Rachel Pepper and What to expect when you're expecting by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel are books I have been reading from cover to cover since before we began actively trying.  I enjoy the open, honest style of Pepper's 'Ultimate Guide,' and find her inclusion of personal anecdotes a friendly, inviting touch.  And whilst I find 'What to expect' a little dry (not to mention hetero-centric) I've found it makes for a good bare-bones quick reference guide.  we're also keeping a folder of articles cut out from pregnancy and parenting magazines that range from pregnancy complications to fun ways to announce you're pregnant and from attachment parenting to raising resilient children. These provide great starting points for conversation as well as making for some interesting and enjoyable reading.

Early days

According to most net-based calculators, we are currently six weeks and two days pregnant; so, into our seventh week. Baby is the size of a blueberry, has a twin chambered heart that is already beating and little buds that will one day be arms and legs - already segmenting into the beginnings of tiny fingers and toes!

My earlier symptoms have started to ease up; my back and breasts are no longer quite so sore.  I was a bit concerned by this and have re-tested a couple more times since we first found out, just for reassurance that s/he was still there.  On one occasion, after a particularly vivid dream where I'd started bleeding, I called A at work in tears - and she not only calmed me down but stayed on the line whilst I tested again. Have I mentioned recently how much I love my partner?  Thankfully (and I say this with some irony), there is one daily reminder that baby is still with us.  Due to an increasingly sensitive tummy, I've had to adapt my breakfast habits.  Where once I would get up and sit to a large bowl of cereal, followed by a cup of peppermint or chamomile, now I have to start my day with a cup of black tea with milk (slowly) and then maybe half a bowl of cereal, and if my stomach has calmed down after a couple hours I'll try some toast or digestive biscuits (reduced salt, of course)

There were no appointments available at the health centre when we called but I was able to get a phone consultation and from that a recommendation to proceed straight to booking in with a midwife.

That same day, I headed down to the centre and filled out the paperwork with the understanding that the midwife would get back to me to schedule our first appointment.  There were a couple things that concerned me about the paperwork that I didn't get a chance to clarify with the receptionist, as she was particularly busy; mainly, the choice of birth centre.  It sates on the form that the choice must be made before the first appointment with the midwife.  Feeling flustered, I may have misinterpreted this to mean 'indicate now.'  Of the four listed centres, I only recognised two and one was on the other side of the city. I circled the other, still wondering how we would make it - twenty minutes away - in an emergency scenario when neither of us can drive. 

Getting home and reading the literature provided (including a booklet on the facilities in our city) we figured out that one of the locations I hadn't been able to identify was actually quite close to us.  From the centre's description, it seems almost perfect: a home from home environment, with four birth rooms - all of which have pools for labour and birthing, and en-suite facilities - and partners are able to stay following the birth.
We haven't heard back from the midwife yet but when we do we hope that this mistake can be rectified.