Here Comes the Sun

It's getting late and I'm sitting relaxed in the 'study' with a cup of tea, having put aside the sheet of irregular verbs I've been working on.  The flat is quiet - presumably the lodgers have gone out to eat - and I'm enjoying the moment of calm before A comes home from class, when bags will need unpacking, a fresh pot will need putting on and something will have to be done about dinner.

I've lost count of what cycle day I'm on, I believe it's thirty-five or somesuch, and since we started actively trying, this is the closest to relaxed and contented I have been.  I know that may change if this journey continues for a more prolonged period but right now, this home is balanced and happy.  This is the happy thought (rainbow) I'd like to give thanks for tonight and I'd like to send some positivity from this to everyone who needs it.

We've decided to put off testing until the weekend, when A doesn't have to get up at silly-o'clock and I can wait until a reasonable 6/7am to test with her there.  It makes sense to wait the extra couple days, since I tend to start bleeding two or three days after a negative result anyway; and in the last couple of days, I've been experiencing the dairy cravings and bloat that usually presages my period.  Whether the extent of my cravings - driving me out of the house right before dinner because the world will end if I don't have cheesecake - is reasonably explained by my being pre-menstrual, we shall have to wait and see.

Spring has sprung

Moving into Spring this week and life has taken on a strangely comfortable flow.  I'm susceptible to weather-triggered mood swings and with the mad-March weather, we were prepared for the usual irritability.  These last couple weeks however, I don't know if it's to do with the changing work situation or just the change in season but we've started feeling more like we've been coasting along, calm and contented.

During the last week, the wheel of the year has turned to spring and Oestara, the spring equinox, marked the change in season.  Among many other things, Oestara is a celebration of fertility, and I especially felt the need to connect with Goddess at this time.

A and I don't practice the same faith, though we take an interest in each other's beliefs, so I celebrated Oestara alone.  I walked the longer route into town, following the quiet cycle path that is bordered by trees and other plant life and just generally enjoying the evidence of Spring.  Eventually, the path lead into a wide grassy park where children like to play.  Oestara is a celebration of new life and childhood and those who celebrate the Goddess may choose to focus on her maiden aspect at this time. There was a time when I would celebrate this season in unabashed childishness - skipping, running, singing childhood songs - but instead, I chose to just sit and listen to the young children in the park and reflect on happy childhood memories and the memories A and I hope to create with our child/ren.

As I often do, I integrated my Oestara meditation and personal celebration ritual with baking cupcakes this year.  Baking always puts me in mind of happy times in my childhood and I love how well it expresses the creative energies of the new season.  I made some of them into butterfly cakes (just a couple though, diet and all...) and outlined little ducks and bunnies in green and yellow icing on a few others.  It made such a happy sight and our home smelled wonderful by the time A came home from work.

In other news, this try has been relatively symptom free; and with a testing date of Tuesday and no sign of the monthlies, this could really be the magic cycle.

A Single Step

As expected, the cramps I was experiencing before my interviews did presage the end of that attempt; but we picked ourselves up and kept running because we had a number of projects in progress that have been doing an excellent job of keeping us distracted.

The interviews went well and we both secured offers conditional on background checks, references, etc. It would mean stepping down from a position of responsibility for me and a cut in my hourly rate (although since I am only contracted for the weekend, with the applicable increases I will have a satisfactory wage even before overtime.) A has accepted an offer to stay working in her ward after she negotiated hours better suited to her study (and more conductive to a social life.)  This puts us in a very strong position from this summer, when I will have completed my period of training.  In the mean time, between visits from the new op's manager and promotion changes, there is enough going on at work to keep me busy.

And as to this months attempt: we started a little later than expected.  My cm and basal temperature were not showing the slightest indication of anything resembling interesting and we were beginning to think this month wasn't going to happen. On day 19 (Monday), I noticed some wet cm whilst I was at work and figured we should at least get in a try this month - if we want to fit in as many tries as mother nature will give us a shot at before our step-up deadline of August (the anniversary of our first attempt.) After a quick call to A, we arranged an insem for the next day, which R and I conveniently both had off.

Day 20; and low and behold, fertile cm, agreeable temps and R at our door - the planets must have aligned yesterday, because everything went according to plan.  I'm inclined to believe Goddess arranged the situation for us after we were starting to get frustrated with the delay between ewcm and insem, and how often we were having to do these things on days when either R or I (or both of us) had to work.  As it is, we're looking at another magic cycle and we're channeling every available resource into directing positive energy in the right direction. I'm using a rose quartz bracelet as a fertility totem for this cycle and We've asked a friend whose circle specialises in fertility spells to help.  There are baby pictures and magazines dotted all around the flat to emphasize our objective (including one in the snack draw as a deterrent for me, lolz) and we're trying to keep to fresh, in season foods to draw health and vitality into ourselves.

Try number 6 - the second magic cycle - is here.