CD 3

We had to let go of that last thread of hope on Wednesday morning.

I've been sleeping a lot the last few days: getting up at 8, taking three hour naps at least twice a day and so glad to get to bed by ten that it's starting to alarm poor A. Thing is, I've felt my energy falling since Saturday and now I just don't have the energy for anything more than light to moderate housework (and only out of necessity) A insisted we get an appointment at the health centre on Wednesday just to make sure it's not a sign of anything physically wrong with me before we try again.

It doesn't help that ever since a work mate was diagnosed with type two diabetes in the spring, she's started getting concerned over any diabetes-like symptom she observes in me. Part of me feels special at how much attention she's showing and in the interests of household peace, I went to the appointment.

As you can guess, once I mentioned that we had been TTC (because it's always relevant) I got the stress talk.  I'm booked in for bloodwork at the start of September but until then I just have to find the energy to keep going with daily life.

On Thursday, I got sent home from work after almost passing out.  I'd forgotten my uniform (something that never happens to me) and whilst waiting for a spare shirt to be dug out, I started getting dizzy and had to sit down.  Having a long history of passing out in public, I've learned to hate those moments of loosing control.  As it was, I must've looked pretty rough because the manager offered to pay from petty cash for a taxi (and it had to be one of the bigger ones to accommodate my bike) It was bad enough that I did this in the office with every Tom, Dick and Harry looking in to see what was going on. The crowning glory came when the manager escorted me himself through the store and to the taxi rank - ten feet from the entrance!

It may not seem so but I used to really struggle with anxiety.  The worst thing anyone can do when I'm not feeling my best is draw attention to me. I felt so weak and shaky, just from having everyone witness this that It only seemed to confirm to C that I needed fussing over.

And we confirmed yesterday that R is abroad for the first two weeks of September.  Unless we stalk him to Spain, it looks like we'll have to sit this one out.

I've taken today off as well, since I failed to keep my dinner down last night.  To be honest, I'm hoping it's just stress. Stress and I are old friends and I know his habits.

So the plan for this month is exercise, eat well, hopefully drop the three or four pounds I've put back on and relax with friends.  Here goes ...(?)